having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
