it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
