Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
