I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
