dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
