i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
