Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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