If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
