do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
