New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
