i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Another day, another engagement, another cat
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
