if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
