i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
