You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
me + whiskey = a bad person
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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