Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
True strength comes from lack of pants
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
