This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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