We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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