just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
