I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
