ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
