I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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