i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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