I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
