So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
