at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Let's paint friendship bongs
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
