We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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