Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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