Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
