we have pet lesbian snakes
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
