I'm gonna have a badass scar
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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