Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
