soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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