So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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