I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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