I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
