these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
