Where did you get a picture of my penis
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
