I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
