Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
