he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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