At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
