Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
