I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
