The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
