I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
