1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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