I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
When did angry sex become our thing?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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