Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
