I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
i out mim tonsoeep
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