What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
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